Do you feel awkward or scared to talk about your desires with your partner? Are you worried about how it might change your relationship?
Don’t worry, it’s 100% possible to navigate these discussions comfortably and confidently. In this blog, we’ll walk you through simple steps on how to talk about sex with your partner.
How to Talk about Sex with Your Partner
Below are the steps to talk about sex with your partner:
1. Preparing Yourself for the Conversation
Starting a conversation about sex can be daunting. It’s an important first step because it sets the tone for openness and honesty, helping both partners feel safe and respected.
How to Do It?
- Spend some time thinking about what you want to discuss. What are your needs and concerns? For example, if you’ve felt a lack of intimacy lately, consider how to express this feeling without sounding accusatory.
- Write down key points you want to bring up. This helps you stay focused during the conversation. For example, you might jot down notes like, “Discuss feeling disconnected lately” or “Explore new ways to be intimate.”
- Reflect on how you’d feel in their place. This can help you approach the discussion with empathy. Imagine your partner’s potential reactions and feelings, and plan how to address them sensitively.
Things to Avoid:
- Don’t rush into the conversation without thinking it through first.
- Avoid starting the talk when you’re feeling emotional or upset.
2. Choosing the Right Time and Setting
Choosing when and where to talk about sex is as important as the conversation itself. It ensures that both you and your partner are comfortable and can speak openly without distractions.
How to Do It?
- Pick a time when both of you are relaxed and not busy with other tasks.
- Choose a private place where you won’t be interrupted, like your home when no one else is around.
- Make sure both of you are in a good mood and not stressed about other things.
- Avoid times when either of you has just returned from a stressful day of work or right before you have to make a significant decision about something else.
Things to Avoid:
- Don’t start this conversation in public places or where you can be easily overheard.
- Avoid times when either of you is tired, hungry, or in a rush.
3. Using “I” Statements and Expressing Feelings
Using “I” statements helps keep the conversation positive and personal, reducing the chance of your partner feeling attacked or defensive. This way, you express how you feel without blaming them.
How to Do It?
- Say “I feel” instead of “You make me feel”. For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” try “I feel unheard when we talk about this.”
- Share your emotions clearly and calmly. For example, say “I feel happy when we connect like this,” to express positive feedback.
- Describe your needs and desires directly. For example, say “I need more communication when we’re together,” to communicate your needs clearly.
Things to Avoid:
- Don’t use accusatory or blaming language that starts with “You always” or “You never.”
- Avoid bringing up past issues not directly related to the topic at hand.
4. Listening Actively and Empathetically
Listening actively shows that you care about your partner’s feelings and thoughts. It makes the conversation more meaningful and helps both of you understand each other better.
How to Do It?
- Focus completely on what your partner is saying without planning your next response. For example, nod and maintain eye contact to show you’re engaged.
- Repeat back what you’ve heard to ensure you understand correctly. For example, say “So, you feel that we need more spontaneity, right?”
- Validate their feelings by acknowledging them, even if you don’t agree. For example, say “I see why that makes you feel upset.”
Things to Avoid:
- Don’t interrupt while your partner is speaking.
- Avoid making judgments or jumping to conclusions before they finish their thoughts.
5. Discussing Desires and Boundaries
Talking about your desires and boundaries is essential to ensure both partners feel respected and comfortable. It helps prevent misunderstandings and builds trust by clearly defining what each person is comfortable with.
How to Do It?
- Clearly state your desires and boundaries. For example, you might say, “I would like us to try spending more quiet time together. It’s important for me that we don’t rush these moments.”
- Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and limits too. For example, ask open-ended questions like, “How do you feel about trying something new?”
- Be open to compromise where possible. For example, if your partner is uncomfortable with something, you could say, “Let’s find a middle ground that works for both of us.”
Things to Avoid:
- Don’t assume your partner knows your boundaries or desires without having them explicitly stated.
- Avoid dismissing your partner’s feelings or boundaries as unimportant or irrelevant.
6. Addressing Discomfort and Conflicts
It’s natural for discomfort or conflicts to arise when discussing personal topics like sex. Addressing these issues directly is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship and ensuring both partners feel heard and respected.
How to Do It?
- Acknowledge any discomfort openly. For example, say “I notice this topic makes us both a bit uneasy. It’s okay, let’s take it slow.”
- Discuss the reasons behind the discomfort or conflict. For example, ask questions to understand better, like “Can you help me understand what’s making you uncomfortable?”
- Work together to find solutions that respect both partners’ feelings. For example, if a particular topic is off-limits, you might say, “Let’s avoid this subject for now and revisit it when we both feel ready.”
Things to Avoid:
- Don’t ignore signs of discomfort or brush them aside as unimportant.
- Avoid pushing your partner to continue a conversation they are clearly not ready for.
7. Maintaining Ongoing Communication
Keeping the conversation going about your sexual relationship is vital because people’s needs and boundaries can change over time. Regular communication ensures that both partners remain connected and informed about each other’s feelings and desires.
How to Do It?
- Set aside time regularly to check in with each other about your relationship. For example, you might say, “Let’s have a chat every Sunday evening to talk about how we’re feeling.”
- Use these conversations to celebrate what’s working and address what isn’t. For example, “I really loved it when we tried that new thing last week, what did you think?”
- Encourage open and honest feedback without judgment. For example, say things like, “I want to know if there’s anything more I can do to make you feel comfortable and happy.”
Things to Avoid:
- Don’t let too much time pass without discussing your sexual relationship.
- Avoid assuming everything is fine without asking. Regular check-ins can prevent issues from becoming bigger problems.
Final Words
Talking about sex with your partner doesn’t have to feel like you’re walking through a minefield blindfolded. Remember, it’s all about being honest, open, and, let’s face it, a bit brave, and use these steps to dive into those chats that can turn “awkward” into “aww, yeah!”. If you’ve tried any of these tips or have other ideas to share, don’t hesitate to comment below.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How can I talk about sex with my partner?
To talk about sex with your partner, start by choosing a comfortable and private setting. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and listen actively to your partner’s responses.
2. What are the benefits of discussing sex openly with my partner?
Discussing sex openly with your partner can enhance your intimacy, improve sexual satisfaction, and reduce misunderstandings.
3. How do I overcome the anxiety of talking about sex with my partner?
To overcome anxiety about discussing sex, prepare what you want to say ahead of time, practice how you’ll express your feelings, and remind yourself of the benefits of open communication.
4. When is the best time to talk about sex with my partner?
The best time to talk about sex is when both of you are relaxed, not rushed, and in a private setting where you won’t be interrupted. Avoid times when either of you is stressed or distracted.
5. What if my partner reacts negatively when I bring up sex?
If your partner reacts negatively, stay calm and offer to pause the conversation if needed. Express your understanding and suggest revisiting the discussion later.
6. What should I do if my partner is not willing to talk about sex?
If your partner is unwilling to talk about sex, give them space and try to understand their hesitancy. Address the importance of communication in a relationship at a later time, and consider couples therapy if the issue persists.
7. How often should we talk about our sexual relationship?
The frequency of discussing your sexual relationship depends on your needs and changes in your relationship. Regular check-ins, such as once a month, can help maintain a healthy dialogue.
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